Saturday, 3 March 2012

Trifextra: Week 6

It's another 33-word challenge over at Trifecta. Stories so short that even I could manage one. The challenge was to complete the following story in exactly 33 words:
The phone rang at 4am.
Betrayal

Still awake, Jen watched him scramble to put it to silent. Eyes now shut, she allowed him to think her asleep.  As he tiptoed out, she curled up and pulled the sorrow close.

20 comments:

  1. "Great last line." Agreed.

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  2. I loved "pulled the sorrow close." X

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  3. Pulled the sorrow in close, such an interesting last line. How many times have we curled up with a blanket for comfort?

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  4. This is very poetic and sadly beautiful. It makes me want to magically insert a large, heavy frying pan into the story somehow. But your use of 33 words to tell this story is excellent and tight.

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  5. Really liked this. The last line was perfect.

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  6. This is really beautifully stated.

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  7. Oh, that heavy feeling. The one we hold tight to. This was lovely.

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  8. Oh, that last line...that last liiiiiiinnnnne. Beautifully sad, I can imagine her curling up into herself, an invisible sheet of sorrow in her clutches.
    Came from the Trifextra linkup.

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  9. Great emotional heft in shirt space. I admired all 33.

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  10. It isn't just the betrayal that is painful, but her willingness to let it go on without taking a stand for herself.

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  11. Cradling and nurturing sorrow is a very apt and painful description.

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  12. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Well done.

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  13. Oh, so sad. You painted it well because now I feel such sorrow.

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  14. Everything I want to say has been stated here. And now I'm sad. Curled in a little ball. Figuratively of course.

    Sweetly done.

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  15. Just came to the Trifecta site, and I believe that I will be returning frequently! I will be subscribing to your site as well, and I must say that I rather appreciate your infrequent writing, mainly because my time is limited each day, and I have a hard time keeping up with both reading and writing - which I spend at least 8 hours a day doing, Can't seem to stop! Another reason I am glad you don't post daily is because then I would be reminded every day of my woefully inadequate writing skills compared with accomplished writers like you. I get a lot of that already from my other subscriptions!

    I am enjoying your site, and Trifecta and look forward to reading and participating in the coming days/weeks/months - dare I say years?

    Paula

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  16. Puffery and Taradiddle19 March 2012 at 09:15

    Hi Paula

    Thanks so much for your message. We look forward to seeing your writing. We're loving being on the company of so many great writers. And yes, why not say years!

    Best
    David

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  17. What happened to you? I miss your writing. Are you blogging elsewhere?

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