Friday, 9 December 2011

Friday Fluff


This is Lisa's fault.

If a blind woman/man started hitting on you, what would you do? 

Thirty-six-year-old red-headed Irish guys are at their most comfortable being chatted up by blind women. We're no longer red-headed and that's always a bonus. 

If your dog peed on your crushes leg, would you be embarassed?

You realize that you could have made this sentence even more unreadable if you'd started with 'If you're dog peed...'? 

Alas, I have neither a crush nor a dog. 

If you had to chose what your mother would wear for the rest of her life, would you?

If I had to? Does my life depend on this? If it did, I suppose I could.

If your best-friend told you that she was going to get a new haircut, that you thought was ugly, would you try to tell her not to?

I would delight in his poor haircut. I've always found the uglier your friends are, the better.

Do you believe in abortion? Why or why not?

How does abortion suddenly appear in a quiz that has hitherto talked about my mother's clothes, blind crushes, peeing dogs and bad haircuts?

If you were outside and a red car drove by and started shooting up your block while little children were playing outside, would you save the children if it meant possibly killing yourself?

I'd intervene for sure. But if I managed to survive the hail of bullets, why would I kill myself? You mean I'd be so distraught at the breakdown of law and order in my own community that it would all be too much for me? 

If you were walking on the street and you saw a homeless man sitting on a cardboard box, would you give him some money if you had just gotten your paycheck? Or would you keep walking?

I would give him some money but also warn him that due to their inherent lack of structural integrity, cardboard boxes should only be used for sitting on for a very short period of time.

What would you do if you found out your best-friend stole one of your mom's diamond necklaces?

I'd tell him that wearing a diamond necklace did nothing to distract from his appalling new haircut.

If you had a chance to make $200, only, buy stripping for truckers on a corner, would you?

I think the truckers would be less than enamoured with the value for money that a stripping 36-year-old red-headed Irish guy represented.

If you get into a fight, or think you might, do you throw the first punch?

If it was with disgruntled truckers who were trying to retrieve $200, I think I probably would.

If yes, did you know that if you throw the first punch and they person you hit would call the police, you could get a big fine, or arrested?

I think a trucker is unlikely to call the police to say that he had been struck by a half-naked 36-year-old red-headed Irish guy to whom he had naively handed $200 in return for sexual favours. But even if he were to call the police, I'm assuming that my $200 would cover any resulting fine.

Would you smoke if it meant getting $30, or do you smoke anyways?

I don't smoke, but if I did, why would I not get the $30?

What would you do if somebody that you didn't know mentioned something about possibly killing themselves?

I would tell them that while I agreed that the breakdown of law and order in residential areas and the proliferation of gun-wielding gangs driving around in red cars was undoubtedly on the increase, there were better ways to deal with it.

Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $150?

I think I might possibly have to if the incident with the truckers went as badly as I suspect it would. Not sure where the extra $150 is coming from though.

Do you consider yourself daring? Tell me of one experience that would prove that you are daring.

It's not every 36-yr-old red-headed Irish guy who is brave enough to masquerade as a stripper on a street corner for a group of bearded truckers.

If the war in Iraq, became an actual war where America was fighting against Iraq, would you join to help our nation?

It depends. Are you Iraqi or American? 

Do you speak your mind? Or do you just keep it to yourself?

This is the most ridiculous quiz I've ever seen. You are the least articulate child I have ever interacted with. Your grasp of the English language is appalling. This has been the least productive ten minutes of my life. 

Does that answer your question?

Would you ever join a gang because you liked the way that they protected their members and the members families?

If they drove red cars and made specific promises to protect me and my family from irate truckers, then yes,  I think I might be tempted.

If you had a chance to go speak to troubled kids, maybe like yourself, and help turn their lives around, would you? 

Speak to them? I've just risked my life by jumping in front of a red car to shield them from a hail of bullets. Is that not enough? 

When it comes down to it, do you think you should get more respect or should your family?

I lost any vestige of respect the day I stripped for truckers.

5 comments:

  1. I accept all the blame. Errr. . .credit. As Joules would say, this is just balls out awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What she said. About the balls, I mean. The delight in the poor haircut laid me out. I LOLed. And, as Lisa can attest, I don't LOL easily or willingly.
    The male perspective killed. Hope you join in again.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bwahahahahahahahahaha! New favorite blog to read. Er, um, wait, are you always this funny?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well. That was totally worth every moment of sleep I lost whilst reading. Joules said this was worth it (whatever it is) and she was right. Now I can die happy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh but it was a productive couple of my minutes reading. Dear GOD I'm loving Friday Fluff. I'm sorry I resisted fluffing for so long. But then, maybe it was the truckers that had me worried...

    ReplyDelete